My friends, they love my intelligence
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
