on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
