shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think my moral compass just broke
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