You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
