turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
