oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
