Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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