I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
