cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
