my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
