I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
