I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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