If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
