I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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