why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Enjoy the penises
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
