Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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