It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
