Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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