i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
