ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
