you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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