Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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