omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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