They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Randomize
