i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
