i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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