Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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