Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
