Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's always time for handjobs
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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