AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
