if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
