We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
