he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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