so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
