Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
