They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
