what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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