Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
