I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
