then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
