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Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
