I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
