he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need to calm my uterus...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
