Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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