I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh god it's open bar.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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