I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
