There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
