we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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