I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think my moral compass just broke
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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