Can i not drive my cunt home
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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