would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
