Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
